February 2011
1 post
Yes it’s been awhile since I’ve posted…..it’s not that I didn’t have anything to say…but the things I had to say were pretty pathetic!! At least in my opinion…and yeah…I’m pretty sure that would be your opinion too!!
Soooo, why am I writing now?? Fuck if I know!! It’s Valentines day….and guess what??? I’m alone!! Ohhhh BIG...
January 2011
5 posts
Yup!! I got a job!! I got a GREAT job!!! And I didn’t even really apply for it!! :)
When I got fired from that hell hole of a job at SS Consulting, I put my resume on one of those job finding web sites…and a couple of days after I did that I got a phone call from one of the Agents at Sun Life Financial, asking me if I was interested in selling for their company. I told him I...
I am soooo frustrated!! I KNOW I’m not the best mother ever…hell I’m not even CLOSE!! But I DO love my children and they Are mostly good kids, (good grades, lots of friends, normal hormonal teenage problems) and maybe I spoil them too much…trying to make up for the fact I took them away from their father and all their friends?? I don’t know…all I know is I...
Yesterday I was moving some tables I had bought for a friend (from IKEA so they were all in pieces but plastic wrapped together) and I dropped on of them. The fucker landed onto my already broken toes…the Corner of the damm table landed right onto my (I may have mentioned this) onto my ALREADY BROKEN TOES!!!! Can you say ouch…well I am saying OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS REALLY REALLY...
NEW YEARS INTENTIONS 2011
Lose weight (this ones seems to be a constant from every NY’s list since the beginning of time!!)
Get out of the house more
Meet new people, join clubs
Spend quality time with the kids
Spend more time on crafting and writing
So, it’s been like Forever since I have written…and really lots has been happening in my life. Some good like Xmas, I got some nice gifts, and the Marianas Trench concert that Fucking ROCKED!!!! We even got Matt and Mikes autograph, plus the autograph of Jessica Lee and the sexy guitar tech Brett!! And my girls got their pic taken with some of Jakalopes members, Brett and Jessica...
December 2010
2 posts
It feels like Years have gone by in the last 7!! Between my sons bad nose bleeds, flu/cold bug hitting all of us, appointments with doctors and councillors and psychiatrists, conversations with my Mom, dealing with my idiot ex, trying to figure out how to handle hormonal teenagers, plus my everyday loneliness.
Blah, blah, blah….life is just too hard…I don’t want to do it by...
November 2010
4 posts
Well….I may have done something pretty frickin stupid!! Ok…it WAS stupid….but I think I have to figure out if it was just my regular stupid or if this was an Extreme-Life-Changing Stupid!!!
And now I don’t know if I can even write about it….Ok….I’m going to go ahead and talk about it…cause I NEED to get it out somehow, and writing is very...
Ohhhhh ICK ICK ICK!!! It’s been one Hell of a day!!! First of all, I took some sleeping pills and a couple of pain pills before I went to sleep last night….in hindsight…Not a good idea…I woke up somewhere around 2:30ish PM!!…with some MAJOR “Where the fuck am I” feelings and alot of pretty bad dizziness thrown in!! I finally made my way downstairs by...
In the quiet of the night, the sounds that don’t happen Should be giving me peace Should be giving me rest.
But my brain makes its own noise It’s loud, it’s angry, it’s mean it screams horrid things to me. Why can’t the night bring me rest? My body craves quiet, My body craves healing. But my brain screams in pain, My brain screams in loneliness. Memories haunt me in...
I know I haven’t written in Ages!! I did write a nice long heart wrenching post that took me a long time to write and it was really really hard for me to write it…I really poured my heart out and wrote things I had never even really admitted to myself….then….grrr I’m STILL so fucking pissed off about this….Then Tumblr LOST!! YES FUCKING LOST!! the Entire...
October 2010
10 posts
Ok…now I’m scared. I have been in a down spiral for awhile now….I knew it was getting worse and that I really wasn’t in a good place. But today I realized that I don’t even want to go Shopping!! I knew that I wasn’t going out much, but I thought it was more just not wanting to be around other people, and my habit of hiding or rather hibernating. But today is...
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck Fuck FUCK Fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK fuck...
Damm….I can feel it coming on….I had a pretty good day, went out to the wharf (like I said I was going to) walked a bit, wrote in my journal, read my book, then went and bought a speaker thingy for my iPod nano so I can crank the tunes in the living room. I came home and did some stuff around the house, Yes even cleaned a bit!! Put my computer desk up for sale (anyone need a good...
It’s 8:30 in the morning and I’m awake!! Not Just awake, but I’m Dressed!! I have some Make-up on!! And I’ve had some breakfast!! AND!! (yes there’s more!!) And I am getting ready to go OUT!! Actually OUT OF THE HOUSE!! At 9 in the morning…for NO REASON whatsoever!! Just cause I have to leave the house and DO something or I will end up going back to bed and...
Blah blah blahdidyblah blah blah!!!
My life is all upside down and backwards….I can’t sleep at night, but sleep all day, yeah I know…IF I stayed awake all day it would be easier to sleep at night…well guess what??? It DOESN’T happen that way!! If I stay awake all day I just stay awake all night and become even More tired and out of it!!
Man…there is soooo...
My Head Fucking HURTS!!!! It hurts so much that any light just sears into my brain, and any noise just goes over me like finger nails on a chalk board!! And my mood is just HORRIFIC!! My poor kids are getting the brunt of all my pain and anger….I can take some 222’s and they may help my head a Little bit…but they Majorly fuck around with my moods…and I am already so...
Guess what I did tonight??? I ACTUALLY went out to a party!! It was an Epicurean party, so there was lots to eat, but since I really don’t like spices or strong flavours…I didn’t get the full effect of the party…but I had lots of fruits and some chips. :). I even started my Xmas shopping…got a little something for my mom and my brother and sister-in-law. I just...
It’s been soooo fucking hard for me to write recently!! Even in my hand written journal I haven’t been able to write much….I’m having a hard time being Really honest and open in this blog. Of course I have a hard time being open and honest any where in my life!! It’s not that I lie…honest….I just always feel I have to hide a part of me from everyone!! ...
September 2010
15 posts
I just can’t fucking take it any more!! that fucking asshole of a fatass from next door is ruining my life!! I don’t even like to go out my door any more!! I went out today to take my daughter to gymnastics and I got snide remarks said to another neighbour but obviously meant for me!! And when I came back more remarks and dirty looks. And then I had to go out again to pick her...
ya know…it wasn’t a bad day…(except I had to wake up too early!!) I got to go shopping and I bought some new shelves. I got to read my book for a little while…chatted with some people on twitter. Saw the season premiere of Hawaii 5-0 and maybe something else…I don’t remember..guess it wasn’t that great of a premiere…but 5-0 wasn’t too bad!!
...
Soooo, I haven’t been writing much lately….life has been the same old same old kind of shit…I did go shopping for a day…got some Great tops…all kinds of rocker chick types..all probably WAY too young for me…but I Really like them!! I got lots of other stuff….probably would have gotten more but man oh Fucking man…did my feet HURT!!! I wore my new...
And th Taxi has SHUT DOWN for the day!! :) Thank the Gods!!! LOTS of fucking driving today..but it’s OFFICIAL!! I’m the BEST MOTHER EVER!!! Not only did I drive my son to his friends birthday party, but I drove 5 of his friends to it too (it’s like WAY up in the mountain!!) then since one of the guys had to work today, at 4 I drove Him up to the party…and I got to go...
4 tags
It’s been a weird couple of days….I have been feeling VERY claustrophobic…it’s like my thoughts are just too big for my body, and I am too big to fit into the world!! Then I was watching Dr. Who and it was one where Rose goes back in time to see her father, who died when she was a baby, anyway she saved him from dying which cause the universe to go into chaos and then had...
Ok…so this is a small issue for some!! But for me it’s just fucking HUGE!!
I live in a fucking HORRID complex!! It’s low income, as a single mother I wouldn’t be able to keep my kids and survive without the lowered rent. But the fucking neighbours are killing me!! First there is this fucking UGLY Fatassed Piece of shit who lives next door…he sits outside on his...
4 tags
I am SOOOOOO Fucking Tired of being in Pain All the fucking time!!! I REALLY am trying to move around, I went out dog walking the other day, I did LOTS of walking while shopping, I have been running up and down these damm stairs…and today it was the Fall Fair here in town…and I could Barely move my foot enough to push the gas pedal!! I paid for all of us to get into the...
6 tags
What a Colossally Horrid day!!! Well not the whole day…the afternoon part majorly sucked!!
I had to drive to Kamloops to see the plastic surgeon..I had FINALLY got the ok from the medical to go ahead with my breast surgery (to fix up the fuckups that happened when I had them reduced originally) I had a surgeon who was going to do the surgery, everything was planned…yeah right!! ...
4 tags
YIPPIE!!! It’s a SCHOOL NIGHT!!!! The kids had to go to bed early!! Well…by 10 pm anyway!! And tomorrow I may Actually get an hour or 2 to myself!! I have to go to the school and get the kids schedules all straightened out!! Blah..I HATE having to deal with the school system!! If there is a way to fuck things up….the damm school will find it!!! Oh well…after...
4 tags
it’s 12:58 as I start to type this…I went to bed at 10(ish) cause I was soooo freakin Exhausted….I didn’t even turn on the tv, I just figured I would read for a couple minutes and then I would crash for a full night sleep!! SOOOOO didn’t happen!!
FUCK!! I am So God Dammed exhausted that I can’t even think straight but every time I close my eyes it seems to...
5 tags
My kids are home!! After almost a week without them…it’s kinda nice to have them back…it’s definitely NOISIER now!! :) I found out something pretty fucking scary though…apparently the skank bitch that my ex lives with spent the week freaking out at everyone!! Mostly at the kids!! And I guess it all came to a head today when she was dissing me and the kids quite a...
4 tags
I would like to start by saying that I am NOT by ANY stretch of the imagination a poet….I have never written anything like these before, but both of them HAD to come out….I Had to put these words on paper….like them or don’t…I wrote them for me…but I wanted to share them with you.
Tears The tears want to come, they fight to fall lips are pressed together...
4 tags
God Is a Potato
This is something I wrote a while ago…I “Officially” put it down on paper in 2003, but it was a theory that I had been working on for a large part of my life….at one point I was using the different versions of Santa that exist around the world…But it was all encompassing enough…..it eventually grew to this theory.
Let me know what you think????
God is a...
5 tags
Well so much for writing each and every day!! I made all sorts of promised to myself…I was going to write each day, I was going to get up each day - get dressed - put on make up and earrings - leave the house and find something to do…even if was nothing more than having a cup of coffee at timmies, I was going to make eye contact with actual humans!! I was going to apply for at least...
So, I’m Home!! Thank the Gods!! I actually got home yesterday….but I was SOOOO fucking Tired there was NO way I could have made ANY coherent sentences…not that I usually do…but at least I usually Attempt to make sense!!
The weekend was Wonderful!! It was a little long..but being able to see Marianas Trench live and in person was SOOOOO FUCKING WONDERFUL!!! OH MY GOD!!!...
August 2010
23 posts
OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!
OHHHHHH MYYYY FFFUUUUCCKING GOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In just a couple more minutes we will be leaving for Vancouver….and in just 1 day and 7 hours (that would be 31 freakin hours) I will be standing in front of the stage that holds Marianas Trench!!!
Yeah and I get to spend the day on rides and eating playland junk foods..but mostly I’m just...
7 tags
Ok…living in the moment…ummmm not sure how to do that…???
Well at the moment I’m watching the Big Bang Theory…frickin Hilarious!! My son is upstairs either watching tv or playing Playstation!! The girls are outside, probably sitting in the park talking about things I Probably don’t want to know about. They have a friend sleeping over so it’s not just...
7 tags
Just 3 more sleeps and I get to see Marianas Trench LIVE!! I Can’t Fucking WAIT!!! This band is without a doubt one of the BEST bands out in the world right now!! And I have a feeling they will be one of the best bands out there for a LONG time to come!! And I get to see them LIVE!! I just wish I had found out about this band a couple years ago…..but I suppose I wasn’t ready...
6 tags
Well, I Actually LEFT THE HOUSE!! Yes it’s True folks…I got dressed and left the house to run my errands….well ok I went to the dentist and then got groceries!!
The dentist was uber-easy…I just had to pick up my teeth whitening kit, which looks kinda cool…it’s formed specifically to my teeth, and comes with 3 syringes of the whitening stuff, which one is...
5 tags
Ohhhh Man!! SOOOOO NOT fair!! I ran to Wendy’s to grab a quick dinner for my son and me (the girls are at sleepovers) and I got us the usual stuff, PLUS I grabbed some caesar salads…I was MAJORLY craving one…..I got home and was SOOOO looking forward to chowing down on a nice tangy salad…and it’s some “lemon garlic caesar” shit!!! And it tasted...
4 tags
I’m home!! I’m Home!! YIPPIE-FUCKING-YAAAWHOOOOO I’m Home!!! Man there are some Freakin LOUSY drivers out there!! A couple of rain drops fall and all of a sudden Everyone slows down to like 10 km/h!! What bullshit!! But I’m home now….I guess it didn’t help much that I forgot my pills….I Kinda NEED my pills….I have mentioned that I’m...
5 tags
Man I have the Worse headache right now!! It’s going right from the top of my head, down the right side of my skull and into my neck and throat!! My tongue even feels swollen from it all!!
I think it’s just the fucking heat!! Will Summer EVER FUCKING END????? Add that heat to all the smoke in the air from all the forest fires…and it’s not really a surprise that I have...
5 tags
I Actually TRIED to go out today!! I got dressed in my new pants and t shirt…did my hair fairly nice (Definitely need a hair cut…appt is on Friday morning), didn’t put on make-up…but that was more cause it was too fucking HOT to stay upstairs in the bathroom any longer!! I even put together a book, my journal and the latest copy of Cosmo into my backpack!! Then I drove...
5 tags
I have been TRYING to write this fucking post for about 4 hours now!! I have typed and deleted my words SOOOOOO many times I’m not even sure what I am trying to say any more!!
I Know I need to lose weight…ALOT of weight….but then I figure, why bother?? Who would ever look at me anyway?? I know I am going to be alone for the rest of my life anyway, so why should I even...
6 tags
well so far this mission SUCKS!!
I haven’t been doing ANYTHING towards my goals….I’m not even sure if the goals I set out are ones I really want or even NEED to work on!!
I do need a job…but in order to get a job that is right for me, which means a job that challenges me, lets me grow, lets me learn and lets me teach, a job where I feel I’m part of a team,...
3 tags
It’s 2:11 in the afternoon, I’m sitting here in my pj’s and I am SOOOOOO anxious and I don’t know why??!!
I know I’m wasting my life just sitting here, but when I go out there’s nothing out there for me. There is only so many times I can walk around a mall, especially when I’m by myself. Yesterday I went down to the wharf and sat on the grass for a...
5 tags
OH MY GOD!!! I Swear I got the crap beaten out of me last night!!! Every muscle in my body HURTS!!! Especially the arms and across the shoulder blades!! I don’t know if it’s a hold over from the migraine headache I had last night?? Or maybe it’s a side effect from the pills I took for said headache….or maybe someone snuck in and beat the shit outta me??? Whatever happened…I wish it would GO...
